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The March Slice of Life Story Challenge
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One morning, a few days ago, started off with one of these delayed starts, which then caused me to feel a little stressed. When this happens, I'm rushing the girls. When I'm rushing the girls, they feel NO sense of urgency. And this then makes me more stressed!
"Finish eating. Stop talking. C'mon. Can someone start brushing teeth? Don't forget your vitamin. Let's go girls. Get your shoes on. Did you wipe your face? How about your hair? What are you doing with it today?" I spouted command after question after command all the while I'm finishing making lunches.
I filled the last water bottle as the girls put on their coats and zipped up. I shoved the water bottle in the side pocket of a backpack.
Looking at my watch, I yelled, "Let's go! Open the garage door! We have to go!"
I sent the girls out the door and shouted, "I'll be right behind you!"
I waved and yelled as they were about to board the bus, "Have a good day! I love you!"
This was the first day (in almost two years) I wasn't standing with them when the bus arrived to send them off with a hug and a kiss.
My heart ached ... all day.
Later that evening, I apologized to both girls. They both shrugged it off without a worry. "Why had I held on to this guilt?" I wondered.
My heart exploded with even more guilt. P. is sensitive ... I knew she would be hurt and embarrassed.
"Oh, honey. I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"I'm okay, but I dented my water bottle when I fell," she replied and then walked away to work on another craft project.
And that was it. I'm always fascinated what a Momma worries about ...
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Mornings at our house are usually smooth, but some mornings they can be tough. And it's usually my fault too. Some mornings I like to hit the snooze button ... more than once. This delay in getting up and out of bed sets the scene for the rest of the morning.
One morning, a few days ago, started off with one of these delayed starts, which then caused me to feel a little stressed. When this happens, I'm rushing the girls. When I'm rushing the girls, they feel NO sense of urgency. And this then makes me more stressed!
"Finish eating. Stop talking. C'mon. Can someone start brushing teeth? Don't forget your vitamin. Let's go girls. Get your shoes on. Did you wipe your face? How about your hair? What are you doing with it today?" I spouted command after question after command all the while I'm finishing making lunches.
I filled the last water bottle as the girls put on their coats and zipped up. I shoved the water bottle in the side pocket of a backpack.
Looking at my watch, I yelled, "Let's go! Open the garage door! We have to go!"
I sent the girls out the door and shouted, "I'll be right behind you!"
Every morning our new puppy, Harley, has been joining us at the bus stop two houses away. I decided to hook up her leash and take her with me. I thought I still had just enough time. I walked out only to see the bus already stopped down the street and both girls looking back at me with long, sad faces.
I waved and yelled as they were about to board the bus, "Have a good day! I love you!"
Then I whispered, "I'm sorry."
This was the first day (in almost two years) I wasn't standing with them when the bus arrived to send them off with a hug and a kiss.
My heart ached ... all day.
Later that evening, I apologized to both girls. They both shrugged it off without a worry. "Why had I held on to this guilt?" I wondered.
"It's okay, Momma," P. said. "You know, as I was running to get on the bus, I slipped on the little ice on the sidewalk."
My heart exploded with even more guilt. P. is sensitive ... I knew she would be hurt and embarrassed.
"Oh, honey. I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"I'm okay, but I dented my water bottle when I fell," she replied and then walked away to work on another craft project.
And that was it. I'm always fascinated what a Momma worries about ...
If only I got up a little earlier. Then one of my worries would be gone.
If we could only abandon guilt. Your daughter puts it in perspective; she will only remember that you made sure she had a water bottle. I love that, the role the water bottle plays as a thread through your story. Here's to a week without the snooze button! Thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a mother's lament "My heart ached ... all day." What's clear to this reader, your daughter had a successful day nevertheless, with a little perseverance and resilience thrown in!
ReplyDeleteWe, as mothers, always seem to put this guilt trip on ourselves. How I remember those days leaving you at the daycare crying.... We worry and fret. but in the end, our children are resilient and don't worry about the little things. The girls know that you are always there for them and will continue to be. Hang in there. Love ya, Mom
ReplyDeleteMom's always feel so much guilt--and sometimes over things that our kids don't fret about. Michelle, you have to BELIEVE that you are a good mom even when you aren't perfect. The girls know (and so does Harley)
ReplyDeleteThose mornings happen. Fortunately not often. My experience says that it is not about getting up earlier, it just happens for many odd reasons together. Well written slice- real and emotional.
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant, real-life slice. Do we, as moms, ever let go of guilt? I'm thinking no. Last night at dinner, one of our adult daughters was with us, and we were rehashing some of my less-than-stellar parenting moments, which led to chuckles because we are so far removed from those days now. Both girls managed to survive, and thrive!
ReplyDeleteI've been there! I dawdle some mornings, then panic about getting out the door. But now that we've been late a few days (which for my son means his boots won't be first in the boot line up!) they know that if they are not on the ball in the morning they will miss out on some things that matter to them. There is an older man who walks in our neighbourhood, and if we leave on time, we can wave to him every morning at the stop sign (or close to it!) but if we are late, he's too far up the road in the opposite direction. My children never want to miss saying hi to him, so that is a motivation as well.
ReplyDeleteOh that mama guilt! When I adopted the boys, one of the hardest adjustments for me was getting everyone out the door in the morning.
ReplyDelete