Tuesday, August 23, 2011

SOLS: Just Go

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I was holding one in my arms and the other slowly walking beside me up to the door.  It was day three of visiting the day care.  Just thirty minutes of observing.  Allowing time for the girls to adjust, to feel more comfortable, to make the transition easier.

Who am I kidding?  The visits were more for me.  I needed to observe.  I needed to adjust, to feel more comfortable, to make my transition easier.  I'm not feeling it.

It's hard to trust someone that you are suppose to trust, but you don't really know.

I opened the door and we walked into Miss K's home.  One clutching my chest, the other suction cupped to my leg.

The worry in their eyes.  The tears started to fall.  And not from me.  Yet.

Miss K mumbled something under her breath.

"What's that?" I asked, not really knowing the routine, still trying to scoot inside and close the door.

"Just go."  Miss K said matter-of-factly.

"Just go?" I whispered.

"Yeah, why don't you just go?  Then the girls will know that when they come here, you will not be staying."

"Just go." I had to tell myself again out loud.

She pried one from my leg. The crying.  She released the suction from the one on my leg.
The screaming.  She turned me around and nudged me out the door.

"Just go."

I walked away hearing their screams.  Oh God.  What did I just do?  I trudged down the driveway back to my car where my mom was waiting.  She stared at me with a puzzled look.

"She told me just to go."  The tears began to drop like a water fall.

Thank goodness my mom was there to comfort me.  Her kind words.  Her knowledge and experience.  Her supportive advice.  The mocha frappe, her treat.

We picked up the girls a half an hour later.  They were calm, until they saw me.

"Momma!  Momma!"

We all survived. Looking back, I'm glad Miss K told me to just go.  And my mom was there.  Moms are always there when you need them the most.

Right girls?  Momma came back.



12 comments:

  1. Such a poignant "mommy" moment you described. It is so hard to walk away & I'm glad your own mom was there to be with you. I liked the way you showed the words and feelings through your story. Keep remembering your children will learn and grow there & eventually run into the place waving goodbye. Best to you Michelle!

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  2. This is so funny and sad at the same time Michelle! I DO NOT miss the daycare drop off days. Your piece has so much voice and humor. My heart sank the first time you wrote "Just go." It is SO hard. :)

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  3. Great post. Wondreful job capturing the hardest thing we do as teachers that have young children.

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  4. Michelle --
    Here I am teary eyed...it is so hard. Yet, wrapped up inside are some very good things. Your girls were made to have a mommy who touches many lives. They are going to gain things at Ms. K's that other kids wouldn't ever experience. And with time they will grow up to be mommies who support their children because clearly they come from generations of mommies who are there when their kids need them the most. Thanks for sharing this moment from your life.
    Ruth

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  5. I was going to say something in response to this poignant post...but it looks like Ruth has said it all (and so much better) already. Bottom line - your kids love you and know you love them.

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  6. Took me right back to the day I left my youngest at daycare. I felt like the worst mother in the world as I headed off to work. (Lucky me, after that day, my husband handled the drop off.) But when I picked my son up he was full of stories about his day and his new friends. Your kids will probably handle this better than you, and you will all benefit from the experience. And I am sooooo glad you had your mom with you!

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  7. Three generations, fears, and reassurance - all captured in this slice. It takes some time before you'll be at ease leaving your kids at daycare. The repetition of "Just go" works like a mantra.
    Terje

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  8. The story made me cry more now than when it all happened. I guess being strong for you was what was most important. They will adjust and survive, each day will get easier and oh the joy they will have on their faces when you pick them up each day and give them big hugs and kisses. I'm so glad I could be there that day for you. Love ya, M

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  9. My heart wrenched with you as I read your post. Thank goodness for mamas. My own baby (23 years old and still my baby) is going overseas to study in less than a week. I will remember to get a mocha frappe and to just go when the plane takes off, and to go straight to my mother's house where she can comfort me as yours did you.

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  10. Oh that sounds hard! I have seen the same thing each year when kindergarten students start school, and resist the urge to tell parents to just leave. They know they have to leave, but it is hard to be ready for that moment.

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  11. Oh my, courage momma!! It doesn't really change over time. When I took my daughter to college it was my mom saying, "Just go." It was my daughter calling an hour later telling me I had done her the biggest favor by doing so!

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  12. I hope you return & re-read your comments, Michelle. And hope the week with your daughters in pre-school is going well by now for you and them. Thanks for the comment about reflection. I had a good talk about it with a group of teachers who are hoping to develop some new ways to engage our students in deeper reflection. It's exciting. Best wishes to you this school year, too!

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.