Tuesday, August 20, 2013

sols: guilt


Slice of Life hosted at the 


I had nothing to write about last night for today.

Maybe my brain is tired from transitioning from summer mode to school.

This morning my thoughts bounced around.  I could write about this or that or the other, but never committed to a slice idea.  So I waited until the slice found me.  And it did.

Yesterday I had no guilt dropping the girls off at school (their daycare).  I was ready to get back to school and allow them the opportunity to play and learn with others.

Today, my morning began like any other morning until it was time to drop the girls off.  I had talked to the girls yesterday about the change in the routine during drop off.  I was putting slippers on and washing hands with the girls before kisses and hugs goodbye, but Ms. K. decided it would be easier if she did that to make the transition quicker.

I remembered to talk to them yesterday.  I forgot today.

We walked in the door with smiling faces.

"Ok Mom. Thanks! See you later!" Ms. K. said to help speed up the transition.

The girls' eyes bugged out and the tears started falling.

"No, Momma! Put on my slippers!  Wash my hands!"  P. pleaded.

"Mommy, please.  Please just put on her slippers!" M. screamed.

"I love you both so much," I whispered in their ears as I kissed their cheeks.

I walked out.  Closing the door behind me only to have P. throw it back open.  I continued to walk without looking hearing the cries and feeling my heart breaking.

"They will be okay," I told myself over and over and over.

I sat in my car and started to sob.  Now I felt guilty.  Guilty for leaving them.  Guilty for rushing.  Guilty for not saying our complete goodbyes.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Ms. K. called to let me know that within a minute after leaving, they were calm.  I was so thankful for the phone call but still felt guilty.  It is not the way I want to start the morning.

After school, I picked them up with lots of hugs and kisses.  When we pulled into our driveway, I apologized for the morning.

"I'm so sorry what happened this morning at school, but Ms. K. has new rules at her house and we have to follow them.  Do you remember what happened?" I asked.

"Yeah . . ." they both responded.  I cringed.

"What happened this morning at school when I was leaving?"

"I don't know . . ." they both responded.

Hmmm.  Some guilt was just lifted.  This moment weighed heavy in my heart all day and now they don't even remember.

This mom guilt is tough.

But tomorrow I will remember to talk about the transition before we get to school.

9 comments:

  1. Michelle,
    I feel your pain. Going through very similar experience right now as this is our first week back in daycare too. Nat's teachers assured me that she was fine within a few minutes of me leaving. It's all good? It's all good! It's all good...
    And nice slice! Funny how the slice "found you"!

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  2. Ohh, Michelle. The mom thing is so, so, so hard.

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  3. Your slice brings back many (many) memories of when I dropped you off at daycare. In fact, it was pretty much a daily occurrence for what seemed like years. The guilt trip can be devastating and pretty much ruin the whole day, but we survived and you will too. And, I know Ms. K's phone call helped to relieve some of your anxiety. Hang in there - each day will get easier, before you know it, they'll be the ones leaving you behind. Love ya, Mom

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  4. Mom guilt IS tough. But, I am sure it was lightened a bit by that phone call to say all was well, and that the girls had settled down. It's not easy is it? Sometimes, it just has to be taken day by day.

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  5. Adults take it so much harder, & then the kids had a great time all day while you worried. Sorry about your day, Michelle, but it does get better as the routine sets in. Best to you in the new year!

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  6. It's funny that what often feel the most guilty about are incidents our kids don't even remember! Hope you all had a better morning this morning. Wishing you a great school year!
    Catherine

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  7. I'm glad Mrs. K called to settle your mind. Transitions are difficult. Hopefully it will get easier with time.

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  8. I am glad the guilt was lifted. I believe that at one point you will slice about the drop off time again, just to show how the girls (and you) have adjusted.

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  9. I work with a teacher who announced yesterday that her kids, age 3 and 1 did not cry for the first time when she dropped them off. She was so relieved. Today was day two....there's hope!

    It probably will not be too much longer and they will have adjusted to the new schedule and someone new may have tears in their eyes! I wish you a wonderful school year!

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.